Julia is nearly 8 months old and I’m still struggling with my new position as a stay-at-home-mom.
This post is not intended to be “woe is me.” I know there are plenty of working moms who juggle so much more than me, and if I’m being honest, I really don’t know how they do it. I want to hug each and every one of them and watch their kids for a few hours so they can catch their breath.
Some days I wish I was working, even just part time. Does that make me a bad mom? I instantly feel guilty as soon as I have a fleeting thought of being somewhere far away in a classroom full of kids.
I think it’s my own personal double edge sword. I wouldn’t trade these days with Julia for anything, but a tiny (or maybe not so tiny) part of me wishes I was working. It’s a vicious cycle that plays out in my head on a nearly daily basis.
I’m shocked that it’s lasted this long, but I guess I’m still in the adjustment phase. It’s hard to go from working outside the home and bringing in money (and having benefits) to working inside the home and not bringing in anything. In fact, I spend a lot more money now that I’m home and not making an income. Funny how that works.
I’ve told the Duke on multiple occasions that I feel like I don’t contribute to the family. I know without a doubt that this is not true, but for some reason it feels like the most helpful contribution I could make would be monetary. Again, I know this isn’t true.
The thing is, I’m happy. I’m over the moon, jump for joy, silly smile on my face happy. I absolutely love spending my days rolling on the floor with Julia or lazily strolling around our neighborhood with her. We have the best time together (except on the days she refuses to nap…). Some days I look around and pinch myself because I can’t believe how blessed I am. I’m so lucky to be home with Julia and witnessing her every milestone. I promise I don’t take my position for granted.
I guess my head and heart are just at odds these days. I think what I’m really longing for is meaningful interaction with someone who isn’t eight months old.
Other SAHMs, did you deal with this? Any advice for getting over this mental battle?
This post maybe a little more serious than most of my writing, but I try to be honest and real with you and I hope you appreciate that.
As always, thanks for reading and supporting me. I love y’all and would invite you all over for dinner if I could.